I allowed two days to do four sketches but it turns out it was four times four, sixteen sketches. I often overlook the question if I am asked to repeat the same thing and in these exercises it is quadrupled.
That is not my problem however. I have always been in conversation with Life, but recently that has become much more deliberate and I think changing a relationship is like moving home, everything goes in boxes and then you can’t find things you need. So it seems to have been with me lately.
Life seemed to want me to let it guide me, in my painting and drawing, but then it stopped sometimes. I would ask if it was the right colour, or the right line and then it would be silent. This was really frustrating and made me quite cross. What was the point asking me to collaborate with it if it then did not answer? I struggled on with it. Taking ages to do anything. And then I realised I had lost something, I had been doing the painting for Life before, and now I wasn’t anymore. I was doing it for me, or for other people, I don’t even know, but I was not doing it for Life. If I was, I would not find it in the least frustrating whatever it asked me to do, as I would be, and hopefully will be again, doing it for Life, not for me or for anyone else.